Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

Catherine’s first tuckshop lunch!

Am writing this in present tense although it happened on Friday…

Catherine had her first tuckshop order today.

“Why?!”, I hear you all ask, “Surely you would have been up early enough this morning to make her lunch?!”

I can hear Scott exclaiming, “But you made her lunch this morning and put it in her lunchbox!”

Ah yes, indeed I did. I even put the said lunchbox into her school bag together with her water bottle. It’s just a shame that when we got to school this morning that I realised I didn’t put the school bag into the car…

 

The Matrix Runs on Windows

 

Friendship

I found this list on friendship that seems more accurate than all the other things that get sent around … Enjoy.

1. When you are sad — I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the person who made you sad.

2. When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile — I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared — I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried — I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused — I will use little words.

7. When you are sick — Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.

8. When you fall — I will point and laugh at your clumsiness.

This is my oath…. I pledge it to the end. “Why?” you may ask; “because you are my friend”.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

 

New emergency services number

 

A very, very funny video…

Just one word of warning – go to the toilet first…

 

Awkward conversation at the grocery store line

I was at the supermarket to buy two packets of nappies, and had them lying face down on the checkout trolley belt (as per the picture below). There was a couple lined up in front of in front of me, and the gentleman inquired about my purchase.

He wanted to know if I was buying incontinence pads. If you look quickly at the packet I can understand how somebody could come to that conclusion, but it still begs the question why you would engage a stranger in a conversation about a personal medical condition.

I joked and said yes they were for me (for the record I’m not incontinent) and then clarified that they were in fact nappies. He laughed too and he clarified that he actually thought they were for, and I quote – “your missus”!

nappies-back.jpg

From the front ..

nappies-front.jpg

 

The ultimate speed bump

The ultimate speed bump – takes care of those pesky hoons!

 

EXCLUSIVE: Copy of the “real” Australian Citizenship Test‏

The Australian Government released a new citizenship test that commenced on the 1st of October 2007. Through various ways and means we have obtained a copy of the “real” test that best covers the required knowledge of Aussie cul-cha, mate.

Aussie Citizenship Test

1. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?

2. Explain the following passage: “In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo.”

3. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acey Decey, how many slabs will each person on average consume?

4. I’ve had a gutful and I can’t be bothered. Discuss

5. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?

6. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard “up on blocks”? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl?

7. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?

8. What are the ingredients in a rissole?

9. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.

10. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a bloke?

11. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else’s beer that has been flogged from a bath full of ice?

12. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people’s meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?

13. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter “b” is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?

14. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?

15. Is it possible to “prang a car” while doing “circle work”?

16. Who is the most Australian: Kevin “Bloody” Wilson, John “True Blue” Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?

17. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool? (Yep – thanks James and Fiona, Gary and Fran! ;) )

18. What does Yeah-Nah mean?